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Started by #423718 [Ignore] 26,Feb,14 03:52
New Comment Rating: 5 Similar topics: 1.===== Joke Of The Day ===== 2.Anybody got a good joke! 3.small hands 4.Joke Central 5.It just a joke Comments: | ||
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Joke, Bella!, joke. 🤣🤣
The Italian says "After we make love, I cover her with little chocolates, and when they melt from her body heat, I lick them off. She loves it!"
The Frenchman says "After love, I cover her with rose petals, then gently blow them off. It drives her wild!"
The American says "After we're done doing it, I go wipe off on the curtains. She goes nuts!"
I got in the first taxi in the queue and said "How much to the station?" "$5" said the driver. "And how much for a blow job ?" I asked him.
"That's disgusting" he said "Get out of my cab"
I got in the second taxi and said "How much to the station ?".
"$5" said the driver. "And how much for a blow job ?" I asked him.
"I'm not having any of that" he said "Get out of my cab"
I worked my way down the line, getting thrown out of each taxi in turn, until I came to my target at the back of the queue.
"How much to the station?". "$5" said the driver.
"Ok" I said "Let's go"
As we pulled out and overtook the other taxis I wound the window down and gave all the other drivers a thumbs up with a big grin on my face!!
😊 👍 😊
They both have wet noses
A drunk staggers out of a bar and into a nearby cathedral.
He eventually stumbles his way down the aisle and into a confessional.
After a lengthy silence, the priest asks, "May I help you, my son?"
"I dunno" comes the drunk's voice from behind the partition. "You got any toilet paper on your side?"
"This looks amazing" the first guy says and asks how many cans of paint he bought. The second guy says he bought seven.
The next day the first guy drives to the store, buys seven cans of paint and starts painting his flat. After a few hours he finishes the whole thing but he realises that he used only three cans of paint.
He calls the second guy: "Hey man I've just finished painting the whole place, but I've used only 3 cans of paint and I have 4 left!"
Second guy - "Yeah, me too!" 😎
The son asked, “Hey dad, why is my sister’s name Teresa?”
“Well, your mother named both of you after things she was most fond of, which in her case was Easter. And when you rearrange the letters you get Teresa.”
“Alright, thanks dad..”
Dad replied, “No problem Alan!”
It got stock in my throat.
I've had a stiff neck for hours.
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that's a reptile dysfunction and the damn and the damn thing
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What did you think of the other jokes? They all were short enough to remember and funny, too!
What is the difference between an Apple Watch and a large penis?
An Apple Watch tells the time.
I don't even think it's funny.
Alrighty then, here’s where we are at; you didn’t think it was funny but will you, or someone, kindly DUMB IT DOWN FOR ME?
The unemployment line
Lucky for him he wasn't conceived in Basingstoke.
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When we wanted to see a prenatal baby, we invented the ultrasound.
When we wanted to see the brain, we invented the MRI.
Why, then, is a finger up the ass really necessary for a prostate exam?
The dog's quite nice too.
Jim, shocked, asks, “Oh, god, Doc! What is it?”
Doctor says, “You’re going to have to stop masturbating.”
Jim, still in shock, asks, “But, why, Doc? Why?”
Doc says, “Because I’m talking to you."
I went up to him and asked him what kind of business was he conducting.
"A loan again, naturally," Gilbert replied.
The barman looks at him and says, Hang on You're a duck.I see your eyes are working,replies the duck. And you can talk exclaims the barman. I see your ears are working, too," says the duck. Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please Certainly, sorry about that, says the barman as he pulls the duck's pint.It's just we don't get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing round this way?"
I'm working on the building site across the road," explains the duck. "I'm a plasterer." The flabbergasted barman cannot believe the duck and wants to learn more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it. So, the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids the barman good day and leaves.
The same thing happens for two weeks. Then one day the circus comes to town. The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the barman says to him "You're with the circus, aren't you? Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything
Sounds marvellous, says the ringmaster, handing over his business card. "Get him to give me a call.
So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the barman says, "Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money.
I'm always looking for the next job," says the duck
Where is it
At the circus,says the barman.
The circus?" repeats the duck.
That's right, replies the barman.
The circus?" the duck asks again. “That place with the big tent,
Yeah," the barman replies.
With all the animals who live in cages, and performers who live in caravans?" says the duck.
Of course,the barman replies.
And the tent has canvas sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?" persists the duck.
That's right!" says the barman.
The duck shakes his head in amazement, and says …..
What the f*** would they want with a plasterer
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