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New Comment Rating: 1 Similar topics: 1.===== Joke Of The Day ===== 2.Anybody got a good joke! 3.Tell Us A Joke 4.small hands 5.Joke Central Comments: |
Me, ‘Well we still make a point of going out twice a week’
G-son, ‘Where do you go?’
Me, ‘It’s not where It’s when, Grandma goes out Thursday & Friday, I go out Monday & Tuesday!’
Mate, ‘That’s interesting’
Me, ‘I can also tell if they are standing or sitting!’
Wife, ‘that sounds nice dear, but why did you have to stop’
Me, ‘I was told to put grandad back in his urn & return him to the mantelpiece’
Me, “No, how long were you there?”
Mate, “Oh not long, I quit”
Me, “Did you have trouble making heads or tails of it!”
Mate, ‘wow that’s freaky, how was the date?’
Me, I turned up late and she gave me the cold shoulder!’
Its called Titty Titty Gang Bang.
"OK, dad, what d'you wanna know?"
Mate, ‘Is it to scale?’
Me, ‘No, only to look at!’
Me, ‘No Son!’
Mate, ‘I have not seen it in the cinema’
Me, ‘well that because it’s not out yet!’
The hippie says to the nun: like wow, i´ve always wanted to fuck a nun.
But the nun says: i`m already married to jesus so I cannot.
As the hippie is getting off the bus, the bus driver nods and winks and says: the nun is always in the graveyard at 8 o clock and waiting for the holy spirit. So you might be in luck!
The hippie puts a white sheet over his head and goes to the graveyard, and approaches the nun from behind. “Woo hoo, I am the holy spirit and I want to fuck you”
The nun says: well, yes since you are the holy spirit but it´s that time of the month so you have to do me in the ass from behind.
OK says the hippie, pulls out his dick and bangs her up the ass
When he´s finished, he pulls off the white sheet and laughs: haha, i´m not the holy spirit, i´m the hippie
But the nun turns around and pulls off her head cover and laughs back: haha, i´m not the nun, i´m the bus driver
Wife, ‘I think you should sing tenor . .’
Me, ‘. . .wow really!’
Wife, ‘If you let me finish, tenor eleven miles away for me!!!’
Me, ‘So technically de-composing now!’
Me, "I can't see why people have such a problem sleeping"
Mate, "what do you mean you can't see why?"
Me, "well I can do it with my eyes closed!".
Mate, ‘Do you know what a propaganda is?’
Me, ‘Well when you say it like that, it’s when a Brit looks at something rally closely!’
The vicar carried on walking and went past another alleyway where he heard another bloke ask: "how much for a blow job?" and another woman answer: "a hundred quid."
The vicar was quite perplexed by now as he had no idea what a blow job was and then he had a brainwave. "I know, I'll stop off at the abbey and ask the Reverend Mother, she'll know."
He got to the abbey and went in to see the Reverend Mother.
"Do you mind, Reverend Mother, if I ask you a question?"
"Of course not," said the Reverend Mother.
"What's a blow job?"
"A hundred quid," the Reverend Mother replied, "same as it is in town."
Mate, ‘That sounds very strange, what’s it called?’
Me, ‘Nobody Knows!!’
Me, ‘It is a DeLorean’
Kid, ‘It’s not been used much’
Me, ‘Well it was only driven from time to time!’
Mate, “ Oh no what did the doctor say?”
Me, “he’ will be fine but hes might start talking shit”
Me, “why put YOUR picture in it?”
Girlfriend, “So I can prove I am independent!”
Mate, ‘do you want a hand finding it?’
Me, ‘I am sure it will turn up after a bit of sole searching’
Mate, “Just come back from the Doc , apparently all my life I have been double jointed in hip, knee & ankle?”
Me, “Anything that can help”
Mate, “I just need to walk differently”
Me, “If I had only you had known it was that simple, I bet you could have kicked yourself!”
He was charged with assault and battery.
Me, “to give me a haircut”
Mate, “a haircut!!”
Me, “yes, I think he’s grooming me for promotion”
Mate, ‘why do you care, you don’t live here?’
Me, ‘I have my raisins’
Mate, ‘Oh my please no more’
Me, ‘Well perhaps Four Tops!’
Me, “I have a feat of tsunamis”
Wife, “oh you have never mentioned it, how bad is it?”
Me, “Well it comes in waves!”
Mate, ‘what is wrong with it?’
Me, ‘It’s just bad on so many levels!’
Mate, ‘money drives the devil, was you delivering?’
Me, ‘Yes and yes, I kneaded the dough’
The reception was amazing!
Mate, ‘Oh why was that?’
Me, ‘I was told not to dwell on the past!’
Me, ‘I sing my best when I am really happy or very sad’
Mate, ‘why is that?’
Me, ‘I’m in-tune with my feelings!’
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