birth control,down the hatch, not up the snach.

What do a blind gynecologist and a puppy have in common?
They both have wet noses

Man in a bar is showing off his apple. If you bite it on the front, it tastes like an apple, but if you bite it on the back it tastes like an orange. Guy beside him: pshaww, that´s nothing. My apple tastes like a pussy. Don´t believe me, try it out. So the other guy takes a bite, spits it out and says: yeuch it tastes like shit! First guy: oops, you bit the wrong side

Here’s a shitty joke:

A drunk staggers out of a bar and into a nearby cathedral.
He eventually stumbles his way down the aisle and into a confessional.
After a lengthy silence, the priest asks, "May I help you, my son?"
"I dunno" comes the drunk's voice from behind the partition. "You got any toilet paper on your side?"

Two guys were living in the same apartment building in identical flats. The first guy visits the second one and sees that he just painted his flat and it looks great.
"This looks amazing" the first guy says and asks how many cans of paint he bought. The second guy says he bought seven.
The next day the first guy drives to the store, buys seven cans of paint and starts painting his flat. After a few hours he finishes the whole thing but he realises that he used only three cans of paint.
He calls the second guy: "Hey man I've just finished painting the whole place, but I've used only 3 cans of paint and I have 4 left!"
Second guy - "Yeah, me too!" 😎

HAVING A SISTER
The son asked, “Hey dad, why is my sister’s name Teresa?”
“Well, your mother named both of you after things she was most fond of, which in her case was Easter. And when you rearrange the letters you get Teresa.”
“Alright, thanks dad..”
Dad replied, “No problem Alan!”

I took a Viagra pill this morning.
It got stock in my throat.
I've had a stiff neck for hours.

What time is it when a Lion walks into the room? Time to leave

From my shits and giggles blog,//// THE CANDY BAR JOKE 😄😄😄 One day MR.Goodbar wanted a Bit-of-Honey so he took MS.Hershey behind the Power House on 5th Avenue were he began to fill her Mounds which were Almond Joy.She let out a Snicker as his Big Hunk slid up here Milky Way.The results were a Baby Ruth.

This if funny!

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I had a knock on my door earlier.. I answered it, I opened my door and it was the invisible man, I had to tell him that I couldn't see him today

what do you call it when a chameleon can't change colors????

that's a reptile dysfunction and the damn and the damn thing

What is the difference between a crack dealer and a crack hoer. The crack hoer can wash her crack and sell it again.

Don’t be distracted by the content presenter hamming it up at the top of the screen, the joke is funny!

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Enjoy!

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There’s approximately 12 jokes with answers on this video. The last joke was; what’s the difference between an Apple Watch and a large penis? The video ended there and without the answer so if anyone knows, please post. Thank you!

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What’s long black and smells like shit?

The unemployment line

The Beckhams, bless them, named one of their kids Brooklyn, apparantly that's where he was conceived.

Lucky for him he wasn't conceived in Basingstoke.

A joke involving BALLS! Enjoy!

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When we wanted to see bones, we invented the x-ray.

When we wanted to see a prenatal baby, we invented the ultrasound.

When we wanted to see the brain, we invented the MRI.

Why, then, is a finger up the ass really necessary for a prostate exam?

My sex mad girlfriend and I own a beautiful bloodhound. Great big slobbering tongue and gorgeous eyes.

The dog's quite nice too.

Jim goes to the doctor for his annual exam. The doctor comes in, takes a long look at Jim, and says, “I’ve got bad news, Jim.”

Jim, shocked, asks, “Oh, god, Doc! What is it?”

Doctor says, “You’re going to have to stop masturbating.”

Jim, still in shock, asks, “But, why, Doc? Why?”

Doc says, “Because I’m talking to you."

I had to go to the bank today to conduct some business. When I arrived, I saw Gilbert O'Sullivan in there.

I went up to him and asked him what kind of business was he conducting.

"A loan again, naturally," Gilbert replied.

A farmer selling his peaches door to door knocked at a house and a shapely 30-something woman dressed in a sheer negligee opened it.

He raised his basket to show her the peaches and asked, "Would you like to buy some peaches?"

She pulled the top of the negligee to one side and asked, "Are they as firm as this?"

He nodded his head and said, "Yes ma'am," and a little tear ran from his eye.

Then she pulled the other side of her negligee off asking, "Are they nice and pink like this?"

The farmer said, "Yes," and another tear came from the other eye.

Then she lifted up the bottom of her negligee and asked, "Are they as fuzzy as this?"

He again said, "Yes," and broke down crying.

She asked, "Why on earth are you crying?"

Drying his eyes he replied, "The drought got my corn, the flood got my soybeans, a tornado leveled my barn, and now I think I'm gonna get screwed out of my peaches."