I don't think some people realise how hostile and barren life can seem during bouts of depression and how unrealistic ideas are. Listen to the good counsel of those who wish you well, including myself. None of us know what the future holds, so enjoy each minute of every day. Things happen, they can't be undone now, so don't blame anyone. You are still here so that is good. Live and enjoy every day at a time - things will get better and you will look back and see everything as a bad dream. Best Wishes.

I feel really sorry for you. But I don't understand you. In my opinion this is the wrong place for such a serious matter.


You blame everybody. First of all, you should blame yourself. The other person didn't "r a p e" you and he didn't trick you. It was through your unprotected sex that you became HIV positive. To say "he gave me HIV" obscures the truth, it was through a mutual act, consensual sex, that you became HIV positive.


The reality is that the vast majority of HIV infections occur between two consenting people who believe they are doing nothing more risky than making love or, at least getting laid. People could ask you things like, "How could you be so irresponsible?" Or, "How could you fuck up like this?"


This language hurts, but more importantly it shifts the discussion from meaningful conversation about risk and vulnerability to simplistic directives: If only people used condoms, transmission would cease. But this idea relies on a complicated array of misconceptions and idealistic assumptions of equality, equal access to information, and how to use that information to stay HIV negative.


AIDS is a stigma. A stigma that is produced by homophobia and general ignorance. Yes, but also by American and other society's desperate need to discipline and punish, to affix blame on individuals rather than confront the systems in which individuals live.


AIDS becomes a challenge of personal responsibility rather than a damning indictment of global public health. That personal responsibility, however, is tricky: people bore no responsibility, until they have AIDS and when it becomes entirely their problem.

I am still here dear friends. I am now off suicide watch and have been allowed access to the net. I hope you are all well.

Since some people here are brain dead. ___ I AM SPEAKING TO FLAPPER!! How fucking unclear can that really be???

Last week has not good. Not good at all. I had major set back. I went out and drank until the room was spinning. I even used narcotics.

But the worst is Chico. I could not control myself around him. I took him and we had sex without a condom. I felt it was a revenge fuck for what Hector did to me. I hope I did not infect this man.

I am a horrible person and deserve to die for what I have done. My infection is not really being treated well either. Not sure what is going to happen to me. I was fired from my job and losing my house is probably next.

Last night, the repo team got my car. I just don't know how much worse things can get here.

I am thinking of using the last amount of credit on my Visa to buy a gun.

Glad to see you back again. It's a start. Find the resources you need and get counseling for yourself and how to deal with your husband. Your in my daily thoughts and prayers. Much love to you

It just sucks that sex can have such deadly consequences! But, this IS NOT your fault! Hector will have his one day, if he knew he was positive when you both had sex, so forget him and what he may have done to you. Aids is MUCH less dangerous today than decades ago. And we are closer than ever to having a cure...Next time you feel suicidal, just remember, 2-3 days is all it takes to get over the feeling. Anybody can manage that! Each time that happens, just do the same thing. Tell yourself in a few days I will be OK...Mankind is really on the cusp of curing Aids! Please believe that. You would not want to die before that happens.

As Steffi said, AIDS is a major health challenge but you can work through this one day at a time. This is no time to isolate yourself or feel that you cannot reach out to your family and friends for their love and support.


These are words of Bob Marley, I hope that they provide you with comfort, strength and encouragement.


"You never know how strong you are, until being strong is your only choice."


“Wake up and live!”


“Some people feel the rain. Others just get wet.”

You have my full support. Please reach out to the gay community and get some much needed counseling. I'm here for you whenever you need me. Don't go through this alone. PM me for contact info. Love you