 | When I first became sexually active back in the middle sixties, gay sex was primarily sucking cock. Mutual hand jobs were also done. I'm sure that anal intercourse happened, but it was not nearly as prevalent as it is today. Indeed, I heard more than once from other gay men that butt fucking was something that nice people just didn't do. It was a few years before I added it to my sexual repertoire, first as the receptive party and about six months later as the inserter.
Now-a-days, however, the attitude seems to be that gay sex is fucking and everything else (kissing, fondling, jacking, sucking, rimming, etc.) is just foreplay. Unless one guy fucks the other (or they flip fuck), a lot of people think that they didn't really have sex. And another thing, every gay man today seems to feel it necessary to announce his preferred role, as in "I'm a top" or "I'm a bottom". Years ago the question "What do you like to do?" was considered tres gauche. It just wasn't done. When two guys were contemplating a hook-up the most important thing was the chemistry between them. It was presumed that each would have a big enough sexual repertoire that they would find something that was mutually enjoyable. Would any other gay or bisexual men, especially of mature years like me, care to comment? |
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I know a lot of same-sex people in really committed relationships, and they are just as normal as anyone, and they are just as different, as anyone, in their relationships!!
I have never had a desire to suck a dick, but I wouldn't totally say NEVER! But so what, if I try it? Penises are nice, and like looking at some, and get really hard, and even get off, looking at them, or watching two guys loving. Maybe I imagine being one of those guys, and having a real one, MAYBE, someday. . .
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I see no nonsense in the post by Spermkiss, and while the other two posters somewhat concur...none stand up and say the practice has put a whole community and our youth on the wrong path. What Spermkiss writes is true, as it was my experience as well except that for about the last 20 years I began ceasing engaging in anal. The last 10 years I have absolutely refrained and abstained. PERIOD. Forever.
In my late teens and young adulthood, circa 1976-1978, there was a derogatory term for those that engaged in anal - Brownie Queens. Along with Butt Pirates, Pillow Biters and numerous other colorful (but mostly brown) terms. The thing is, unlike today, where people assume that these epithets are directed at gays from the straight or mainstream community, I say no. Those terms originated ~within~ the gay community as a slight against the fetishists by those that knew instinctively that the practice was dirty, dangerous and deadly. WE ourselves coined the terms far in advance of the popular straight on gay verbal assaults we think those slurs represent. WE built and reinforced our own stereotypes; nobody else is responsible for that.
Having lived through the emergence of HIV; through the militant surge by sodomy activists in promoting anal sex as the 'consummate' intimate act - while our peers died all around us - I can say it is a shameful legacy in our history. Wouldn't the proper response have been for activists to convince the 'then small' fetish faction to change their behaviors? Instead they pushed for MORE anal behavior - as an angry response to people calling AIDS 'the gay disease'. Safer behaviors - mutual masturbation, frottage, and oral, especially 69 - where both guys are active and equal participants were shoved aside as 'pretend', 'foreplay' or not 'going all the way'. Even myself, I admit falling prey to peer pressure in the 80's, despite the repugnance and the risks and potential consequences of the act becoming more clearer. My memory is still vivid of nearly gagging on my own vomit over the thought when a partner asked 'Are you afraid someone is going to ask 'what is that sh1t on your dick?'
So...the 'gay disease'. What a self-fulfilling prophecy! People we loved died because of some asinine concept that we have to 'stick together', remain quiet and support 'personal choice' among our peers, even when most of us (at that time) abstained and disagreed with anal. We had to show society that nobody is going to tell us what we shouldn't do, least of all the majority of our peers, even if it KILLS us! Even if most of us didn't do it ourselves. We knew those choices by a minority were/are things that were/are killing us and yet we remained silent - and most of gaydom remains silent to this day - because we had to stand against the accusations (never mind that they were true and irrefutable). Instead of the majority standing up and saying to the fetishists 'You are killing us', they remained quiet, tacitly approving behavior we knew was doing us no good. Now, the snowball has gained too much momentum, and it is running over us all.
Anal has become a somewhat mainstream practice (still, nobody counts the bodies) and is shoved in our faces with a continual parade of youthful porn actors and global media presenting to a new generation 'how it is done'. With gay for pay actors now, they have further blurred the lines and presented anal as something everyone can do - not just 'gays'. But people - especially male youth 16-24 - are still getting infected, spreading AIDS and dying. And nobody cares, least of all the factions on this site that have branded guys like ME an enemy of the gay community.
Well, we just don't talk about the continuing body count. If we do, we are rabidly accused of being 'anti gay' - another line that has been blurred - now people interchange 'gay sex' and 'anal sex' as if the two terms mean the same thing. Indeed, as we see with the two follow-up comments here, people still reinforce the false notion that gay=anal.
The societal lie is pushed that if you don't engage in anal, you somehow aren't a 'real gay'. The subject line of this discussion is wildly deceptive. The two terms didn't used to be synonymous and they shouldn't be synonymous today. But too few people speak up against the behavior. I guess they'd rather risk dangerous behavior and possible consequences by actual participation; or at the least strongly defend and try to justify the behavior in others; or remain meekly unopposed...rather than risk being ostracized by their peers.
Since when has being anti (risk of) disease/death been a bad thing? And why is it equated with being anti-gay? Even our own community confuses criticism of behavior as an attack against orientation/identity. Wake up people, gay does not equal anal, nor vice-versa.
While you do tend to be a bit strident, I gotta say that I agree with everything you have said.
I'd like to add a few thoughts, if I may, to the subject of gay porn. A few years ago, say ten or fifteen, barebacking in gay porn was rare. Sure, it was out there, but the mainstream reputable porn producers just didn't do it. Indeed, I seem to recall reading that if an actor did bareback work he'd be blacklisted by all the mainstream studios.
Now, however, we are seeing ever more studios moving to bareback. Even a producer in New York (I ain't mentioning any names) who was vehemently opposed to bareback is now producing it.
I'm inclined to think that this is because HIV testing has vastly improved. The performers can be tested right there on the set, with highly accurate results in minutes. After they both have come up negative they proceed with the performance. Is there anyone reading this whose knowledge is greater than my own who can fill us in on this?
But what message does this send to viewers, especially young and impressionable viewers? I don't see any disclaimers on bareback porn saying: "These men are trained professionals and they have gone thru rigorous testing, so DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME."
Regards, spermkiss
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A correction made three years later. Yes, bareback porn now generally does have disclaimers that the performers were rigorously tested for HIV and other STDs. And it does have cautions about doing what they do.
When I first was seduced in the 50s it started as being fondled, then mutual fondling, which lead to oral, then mutual oral them anal. The anal was one way because, evan though he was older by a few years I had a bigger cock, which he could not accept in his ass.
I was not gay, am not gay and will not be gay, because I am only interested in the physical contact, which leads to a climax and associated physical and stress release.
There are documented cases and studies of humans who practice same gender sex until a certain age and then as a rite of passage switch to heterosexual behavior.
In addition, there are studies of certain animal species who use same gender sexual behavior as a method of contraception to control population when food or nesting space is limited.
Gradually science is determining that gender is not a black or white condition, but is a ful range of black through wide band of grey to white conditions.
There is now genetic study support for some people being born "gay". There is also evidence that environment can effect gender selection. I think that as with many other preconceived ideas that we should accept people regardless of their gender selection and let life go on. Natural selection will sort it out.
I think that we can blame the "liberals" for the need to label various aspects of gender selection and choice of sexual pleasure positions. Again, there is a full range of behavior and the joy of sex is that there are no specified roles, just do what each other enjoys at the time. I do under stand that there are people who have pathological needs to identify with a certain behavior, but they are a small minority.
The world would be a much better place if the stigmas associated with various sexual behaviors were put aside so that people could just enjoy giving each other the pleasure that they need, when they need it. Let us start a stamp out the labels campaign. For absolute certainty, regardless of the mode of physical pleasure being engaged in always practice safe sex and be honest with each other.
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