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THE GREAT AUSTRALIAN TOILET PAPER CRISIS!

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Started by #502711 [Ignore] 04,Mar,20 19:10
So it seems that everyone in Australia is panicking like the sky is falling & we're desperately stocking up on TP. It's so bad that the shelves have been left BARE. But the chaos doesn't just stop there, oh no. Trucks with loads of toilet paper are running off the road in their haste to deliver the people the much needed comfort of some three ply shitter paper. Now we're people have to resort to using the phone book pages...

Checkout these news reports:
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Comments:
By #551482 12,Mar,20 17:31
Clearly an outbreak of Cornholio-itis. The great Cornholio needs TP for his bung-hole. Will there be TP in the lobby?
By #502711 13,Mar,20 00:21
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My bunghole cannot wait!
By whatsupcocks [Ignore] 15,Mar,20 21:47 other posts 
ha ha good one mate
By #502711 16,Mar,20 03:47
By #551482 16,Mar,20 16:15
My bunghole it goes rakakaka rakakatokotoko uuaaa!!! And then sometimes my bunghole goes raawakakakabuaa bhhhuuuaua
By #502711 17,Mar,20 04:21
Mine does that after I eat a spicy burrito.


By phart [Ignore] 11,Mar,20 23:20 other posts 
AH! I got it, you go right on ahead and buy ALL that toilet paper.

I will buy all the plungers and retire to the Islands smoking big cigars!
By #502711 16,Mar,20 03:50
That sounds good, i'll join you!
By #485312 16,Mar,20 17:49
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buy toile roll holders, this is one way to get those plungers flying off the shelf *lix*


By #485312 16,Mar,20 17:48
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and l didn't forget you rice lovers *lix*


By #485312 16,Mar,20 17:23
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now l haven't forgotten you pasta hoarders, theres something for everyone, heres some fun things to make with it. if you got a good variety of course. you make just about anything !!!
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By #485312 16,Mar,20 17:19
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now is you don't want to lose any down the dunny, this little twig hanger is just for you, stops them getting wet, can be used straight off the wall, and when is finished, you can use is as fire starters for the end of world. to get them fires of hell burning that little bit brighter *lix*


By #485312 16,Mar,20 17:17
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heres some wall art, for the dunny wall, to make it handier and if they accidently fall into the toilet during an earth quake or volcano eruption, don't try to save them. *Lix*


By #485312 16,Mar,20 17:16
ok, since you all need some new ideas with what to do with all this shit house paper you have acquired, here are some things to do with it while your locked in your homes panicking about dying from the flu and becoming more and more like henny penny every day.... heres a nice ensemble with lots of air and if you go commando, you can wipe your arse quicker with it ... just don't wear in the rain
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By whatsupcocks [Ignore] 15,Mar,20 21:40 other posts 
ya now everyone wants a peace of the square . someone is getting rich .
By #502711 16,Mar,20 03:48
They'll probably put the price of toilet paper up to make more profit!


By phart [Ignore] 12,Mar,20 19:27 other posts 
yep,local walmarts out of jug water,toilet paper and such.
Alot of folks here on wells have bad water.Ok to wash clothes and such but not good for cooking or drinking so they use jug spring water or drinking water.
OUT ,gone.My dad said the parking lot was slam full.
empty shelves. I am planning a trip in the morning to get a few things.I have already got some can soup,pasta stuff and what not to get by a week or so without a trip to town.
By #502711 13,Mar,20 00:24
I think I wanna camp out in the bush for a few weeks & wipe with some bark, just to get away from the TV that keeps on with the "URGENT" announcements every 5 minutes.
By whatsupcocks [Ignore] 15,Mar,20 21:43 other posts 
yep hit the bush for a break from the main stream .
By #502711 16,Mar,20 03:46
Yeah bro, go off grid, hey!
By #485312 13,Mar,20 03:47
l reckon we could eat out of the cupboard for a month without even shopping for extra. who eats that much rice or pasta??? lm sure ld have enough in the freezer too, l didn't shop for 3 weeks till today. strangely l still don't need toilet paper. the shop was only putting one packet on the shelf every 10 minutes or so, and people who really needed it, stayed for a pack, but those that are camped on a stock pile didn't bother l guess. *lix*


By kebmo [Ignore] 10,Mar,20 02:03 other posts 
Why are people buying toilet paper?

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By phart [Ignore] 10,Mar,20 21:14 other posts 
If you have a septic tank like I do,you can't use paper towels and large bulky stuff,it will clog up everything.
Folks on city sewer can all but flush anything down the drain if it can get past their own pipes.
By CAT-2 [Ignore] 11,Mar,20 13:25 other posts 
You can have a trash container with a lid and throw whatever you use to wipe in to the container. No more problems
By #502711 12,Mar,20 03:27
Just use your hand & then rinse under a tap. That will save some money.
By #551147 12,Mar,20 04:04
ROFLMAO 😄😆🤣😂
By #502711 13,Mar,20 00:26
By #502711 11,Mar,20 03:51
People believe everything they see on the news & they make it look like an emergency, tell people not to panic, but make it look urgent to scare people.
By kebmo [Ignore] 11,Mar,20 05:00 other posts 
Don’t panic AM!!!
By #502711 11,Mar,20 07:16
I'm cool as a cucumber, kebmo
By CAT-2 [Ignore] 11,Mar,20 13:31 other posts 
Better change from cucumbers to hot buttered corn. Great for anal, tasty snack food and great for wiping in the outhouse.
By #502711 12,Mar,20 03:26
I would not recommend using said corn cobs in that order, though
By CAT-2 [Ignore] 12,Mar,20 08:23 other posts 

Party pooper


By #275407 12,Mar,20 11:38
It's happening here in the Miami area as of yesterday, you can't find toilet paper anywhere
By #502711 12,Mar,20 16:03
Use your hand.


By #502711 07,Mar,20 16:22
I'm going to start wearing one of these masks, so I don't inhale the miasma.

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By geranium [Ignore] 12,Mar,20 03:50 other posts 


By #485312 11,Mar,20 16:53
now these dick heads that bought a room full of shit house paper and hand sanitizer, are trying to take it back for refunds, seems they forgot to buy food with their money and now the major chains are turning them away, they will not refund money on excessive over buying of toilet paper, face tissues, serviettes, hand sanitizer, nappy wipes, rice, pasta, (which none of these dickheads even ate) bread mix and flour?? well l guess if they did get locked in their homes, they'd have all the ingredients to make a paper mache effigy of the viris, and few pasta necklaces to use while they sit around the toilet paper camp fire and sing Kum-by-ya while eating bowls of rice... what a pack of wankas .. lets lead these people to a great abyss and tell them all to jump !!! *Lix*


By #485312 09,Mar,20 22:08
to see people lined up in the aisles waiting for a block of paper, this is ridiculous, and even more ridiculous, is when they punch on over one pack, when they have a trolley full of them and cant share a pack with a person who actually NEEDS SOME.. lm actually glad that they charged the women brawling over it. to show them how stupid they are, and l bet the following day they are back to get more... l think the tissue makers should put a 3 month use by date on the packs, as these stupid people would be stupid enough to throw it away if they were told too. during this whole crisis l have been amazed at how stupid the human race has become, that they take every thing they read or see on the net as gospel and follow these trends so fast that it makes my head spin. l am still blown away by the stream of people who all marched out of the shops with paper under arm, and after putting it in the car, come back for more ????? maybe we should be taught again how to wipe our arses, without killing 3 trees to do so. maybe our grand parents had some great info, especially the one about too much wiping gives you piles. do it right the first time and you don't need half a roll to get the job done... *Lix*


By phart [Ignore] 07,Mar,20 09:25 other posts 
Well the local walmarts had plenty of bathroom printer paper refills but the household cleaners isle,anything to do with Lysol ,the shelves were about bare.
By #502711 07,Mar,20 16:26
It's madness. It's like everyone has contracted rabies or something, because everyone is turning into animals. I'd say they're almost like monkeys throwing shit at each other, but monkeys don't need that much toilet paper


By #580336 07,Mar,20 13:02
UK is just as bad too. Major retailers are rationing hand sanitizer too lol. Shame all the experts just say wash your hands for 20 seconds with normal soap.
I'm not sure why people want so much toilet roll? It's not as if it gives you the shits!

Also why we are at it , why is the media making such a deal that of it, at present is no worse than flu ! Aren't we just teaching our kids how to be petrified of a virus? Personally I'm going use the old British mantra .....Keep calm and Carry on!
By #502711 07,Mar,20 16:24
I've been going about my life as normal. I'm not shitting more than usual. I just watched on the news people punching on in the aisles over packs of toilet paper. I think everyone is infected with the TP virus


By DeepThroatThis [Ignore] 04,Mar,20 22:42 other posts 
What did all the prisoners use when England dropped them off many years ago?
By #502711 05,Mar,20 00:09
Koalas
By kebmo [Ignore] 07,Mar,20 04:23 other posts 
Koalas... so soft and absorbent.... and reusable!!! 👍
By #502711 07,Mar,20 05:25
They are soft. Sometimes they bite & scratch, but you make do


By #551482 06,Mar,20 16:53
Same here in Germany, went to the local supermarket last Saturday and saw shopping carts stacked up with bog-roll. Shelves empty. Well, when the Corona hits, it must be reassuring to know that people can wipe their bum
By #502711 07,Mar,20 02:39
Makes me think that the world is going to smell like shit soon. Humans are going to take out half the amazon to replace all of the toilet paper that's been snapped up


By aries [Ignore] 06,Mar,20 02:35 other posts 
well the people who need that much paper are full of shit
By #502711 06,Mar,20 04:14
Maybe they're gonna wrap their dead like mummies


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