10 years ago, I met the woman of my dreams. I know she's still there, somewhere.

My wife Victoria and I met via Craigslist 10 years ago. The relationship started off on a sexual basis only. She wanted someone to have fun with and I was looking for various holes to put my dick in. It all changed when we actually met. We had very intense chemistry, a high sex drive and we were compatible on all other aspects as well, from movies to music and so on.

Just like every relationship, over time, things turn into routine. My sex drive remained high while she slowly became calmer.

A few years into our relationship (at this point already living together) I cheated on her. I cheated not once. We ended up getting married and I she found out about my escapades.
Needless to say, she was not happy!

Our relationship took a huge hit and all trust was gone. This is where our sex life changed completely and to be honest, can you blame her? We ended up getting some professional help and for almost a year, we both worked hard to make this work, somehow.
I haven't cheated since. I thought about it but never felt it was actually worth the risk. After all, she truly is the love of my life and why would I want to destroy something that we rebuilt and was on track to be a good, healthy relationship?

Over the years we became stronger. her trust in me was back and things we're/are great. The only thing lacking was her wanting sex. don't get me wrong, we still had plenty of sex and it was great sex but it was never initiated by her. It's safe to say that If I don't bring it up, we most likely wouldn't have it as often. Wen we're actually in the act, she does get into it and she does enjoy herself and she does orgasm very hard.

Now, with a new member joining our family and work/life related stress, I feel as if there is just no excitement left. We're very open and we talk about things all the time. There are things i'm eager to try, fantasies I have that I want to fulfill and she's just not into it. Recently, I brought this up. we began discussing an open marriage. She wants me to be able to be who I am and experience the things I want to experience. We decided to give it a try and of course, If I can go have fun, so can she.

I realized very quickly how jealous I am. The thought of another man touching her, I can't handle it. I admit it. I just can't do it. We talked about that. She was slightly disappointed as she was actually looking forward to this new, exciting 'thing'. She promised to not go on with it and I promised the same. We came to a realization that we somehow need to relight this fire that has faded. We want to make this work. we're attracted to one another and love each other very, very much. Something is just... Off.

I've been away from home these past 10 days and won't be back for another week. I miss her so much and constantly thinking about how to better myself for her. For us. I need to be more romantic and I need to find new ways to excite her.

I sent her some poetry the other day for the first time in, well, ever. it actually made her cry. We're emotional people. We need to get our shit together. I need my wife to want me as much as I want her. I want her to want sex. I want her to want to please me. I'm willing to do anything it takes to bring us to a level of happiness in the bedroom that currently doesn't exist.

I'd love to hear your thoughts, suggestions and any constructive criticism anyone might have.

Looking forward to hearing from you all and please feel free to ask any questions, no limits.

Cheers,

-A