The first thing you should know is that gay sex and anal sex are not the same thing. People will try to tell you that you're not being 'a good gay' if you don't take it up the ass. (Yes, I realize you are straight...bi, perhaps). They are lying. Intimacy can take many forms, and same gender intimacy is not solely defined by anal behaviors - in fact, it is a minority practice, when you consider same gender affection is something experienced by around 60% of men. The 10% 'gay' is a minority, as are the 40% totally hetero. The faction that engages in anal is yet an even smaller minority. If you want to limit your acceptance by and within the larger same-gender-attracted male community, go right ahead. But there are far more awesome guys (outside the anal/gay world) that don't play in $ h i t than those that try to push young inexperienced guys in that foolish direction.


There used to be a time, back in the 1970's, where anal penetration was looked down upon as something only 'some people' did as a 'fetish' behavior. Indeed, the practice was often ridiculed, and those that engaged in it were called 'Brownie Queens' and other graphically descriptive insults and with good reason. Then, along came AIDS, and for a time, people blamed Gays. The response to this was an activist movement - persistent to this very day - that tried to equate anal being the 'definition' of gay. If anyone criticized anal sex, they must be a gay-hater. Strangely, people began to believe this garbage. Why would the community, in the face of a terrible unknown disease at the time, once it became clear how the disease was most easily spread, buy into these lies that gay=anal, and everybody better get on board? The risks have only gotten worse, as we know the links to substance and alcohol abuse; the use of poppers; the relation to other health issues and bad nutrition. All around, condom or no condom, it's a stupid choice in 2013. According to condom makers, their products fail 5-14% of the time, and that is with vaginal sex. Anal sex is much rougher on the condoms. It only takes one time to break, and maybe that is the one partner that lied about being uninfected. But hey, even if you go that route, and say you do get infected...they say with the right meds you can even live 20-30 more years before you get any symptoms...so what do I know? Knock yourself out.


The other responders confirm my assertions. You asked for advice about your first gay sex. They automatically assumed you meant A N A L sex. There was no mention of seek to develop good lasting friendships and explore intimacy based on a solid foundation, rather than cheap sex. Perhaps you also meant anal sex. If that is the case, then it also proves that you are not ready, because you also confuse the vast spectrum of male to male intimacy as being defined by (only) anal sex. You need a good male role model. Sadly, many of the guys here do not have your best interest at heart. Some will tell you to be safe, use a condom, but they don't venture further to give you the tools for wise choices. A few do. Myself, John S. and others will get deeper into the matter - given the opportunity and if asked - and we'll often say things that piss others off because they think this site is all fun, games and fantasy and reality often gets ignored. But the truth is, guys like me have outlived all my 'dead of AIDS' friends that tried to lead me down that anal road. So, criticize me all you want guys. Sooner or later, condom or not, your luck runs out on the anal road.

Besides being safe use a condom as well.

Be safe