A DATE WITH SKITTLESS

It’s been a few years now, but, I remember it well. Sitting here my mind traveled back to that time. I wonder what happened to him. I remember how we met. I had just joined a web amateur porn site. It was the type where you posted nuddie pics on the internet using an assumed name. A few weeks after I started using the site, this guy chatted me up. He said his “handle” was Skitless and he liked what he saw. I brought up his page and it was full of different cock pics. None were his but the pics were hot and I didn’t think much about it. One pic did catch my eye. It was a full body of a nude woman and the title identified her as Skitless’ mother. Since I was new to the site and didn’t know Skitless well, I just didn’t pay much attention to it.
Skitless told me he was a New Yorker and that he had a great apartment in the middle of the city. We kept chatting as the weeks went by and one day Skitless asked me out on a date. I told him I lived in Miami and New York was a little far to go on a date.
Skitless didn’t care. He told me he could fly out on the next weekend. I said ok and made plans.
The day he arrived was a hot day, 92 degrees. I illegally parked on the second level ramp of Miami International and waited for him to arrive. I still didn’t know how he looked but he said he would be wearing a brown hat. Delta’s flight, his flight was announced arriving. I saw a guy in an old and dirty suit come outside wearing one of those winter caps with flaps. I tried to hide but he saw me
“Twowarm?” He asked me and I had no choice but to say, “Yes.”
He introduced himself. I was a little bit speechless so I asked him how he had come up with “Skitless”. He started to laugh and said his Mommy was responsible. She called him Shitless but he changed the spelling. I’m going, Mommy? Shitless? What had I’ve gotten myself into? I got closer to shake hands and this fowl smell emanated from him. This loser’s last bath was during the Jimmy Carter’s administration. Right then and there three things happened, he farted louder than a 747 going into reverse throttle, burped, and asked me to forgive him. He had only two hours before he had to take another flight to Orlando. He explained he had booked a stay at Disney.
My day started to look up. He came close to me and kissed me while he grabbed my snatch. Eewww. I almost threw up. I don’t know why I didn’t slap him. Looking back I must have been afraid all that facial grease might splatter. Well, change of plans. I was going to take him to Joe’s Stone Crabs but settled for The Pasta Factory. It was close and they had good cheap wine. I was going to need it.
We got to the restaurant and the hostess seated us. I noticed her nose go up and she sat us by the kitchen. I didn’t blame her and was secretly glad. I got the wine, he got some cheap beer and we ordered. While we waited he tried to impress me with his sexual knowledge and that’s when he hit me with it. “Everything I know I owe to my mom.”, he said, “She’s very experienced.”
I couldn’t take it anymore. I looked at my watch and jumped up. Skitless, I yelled I have to drive you back now. I forgot I have a funeral to go to. I quickly settled the bill (the cheapskate asked me for a handout) and we took off. I dropped him off at the airport and fled. It took me three weeks of having the Mustang detailed inside to get rid of his smell.
I picture him living in a cold water flat in his mom’s home. I wonder if he learned more from mama.