Youthful 57 swm, fit other than a big gut (USA). I was molested around a dozen times at the age of about 7 by a step brother that was about 13. Not a willing party, but classic intimidation and fear made me compliant. He assured me that I would be in big trouble if anyone ever found out. He sucked my little dick which never got erect as I was too young. He asked me a few times if I would suck his dick and I would not. While I didn't enjoy these encounters, I realized that it didn't hurt me physically and I was receiving attention, which I clearly wanted from someone, anyone older than me. It happened over about 3-4 months and he thankfully disappeared from my young life. About 3 years later, I was targeted by my 4th grade teacher, but he thankfully couldn't bring himself to do what he clearly wanted to do. He never said anything to incriminate himself but it was so obvious and palpable to me that I expected that he would try to get to my little willy at some point. Even at the young age of 10, I decided that if he did act upon his desire for me that I would almost definitely let him touch and suck my dick. After all, it had happened before and it didn't "hurt". I had never seen so much attention from an adult and I really liked it. I didn't really understand what "gay" was but he was quite effeminate. My mom went to her first parent/teacher conference with him. I liked him so much, I was eager to hear what he had said about me. The first and only thing I recall my mom saying was, "Your teacher is gay"! She thought it was funny. At around 16, I was approached by two different men at two different times that wanted to suck my dick and nothing more. I was downtown in a big city and it must have been the trolling grounds for ****philes looking for vulnerable targets. They both offered me cash to perform oral on me and I took no time to agree. Not my first rodeo. The first was a black man, about 40 that I surmise had done this hundreds of times He bought beer, took me to his apartment and sucked my cock like a pro, He wanted me to blow my wad in his mouth and I did, but he hurriedly hit a sink to spit it out. He came back and said it was more jizz than he could ever remember and said it must have been a long while since I'd emptied my balls. He was wrong, I had a steady girlfriend that was happy to suck my dick and swallowed every time. I quickly left after he asked for my number. He called me about 2 or 3 days later but I refused to ever meet up with him again. I found myself downtown a short time later and was targeted by another guy. White, 40s and I suspect not very experienced. He offered cash to suck me off and I was in his apartment in no time. He sat on the floor, back against the wall as I stood over and fucked his mouth. He told me to continually ask "Are you going to be my little boy" as he sat there in a vulnerable position, I certainly thought it was weird but he gave me cash and took me back to where he found me, He kept my number and came out to my small town another time almost a year later after I insisted on more cash. I think he gave me $75 to blow me in his car. He complained a bit as he was having trouble getting me hard, but it did happen after several minutes. I never saw him again. I never told a soul about any of these experiences until I was in my late 20s. I have had a pretty "normal" heterosexual adulthood. When I view images/videos/porn, it's always hot chicks, girl on girl, straight sex...typical stuff that I guess is "mainstream" and what the average male uses/likes. A big relief to never having any desire to repeat the ****philia that I experienced. I've never been attracted to males and while I'm not afraid of being labeled bisexual, I honestly cringe at the thought of touching/embracing/kissing a man. I simply don't seem to have that ability or desire at all. Good for anyone that can act upon their desires, regardless of anyone else's opinions. So, here I am at a young 57, out of a relationship of 10 years for almost two years now. I have always been a leg man. I realized legs turned me on at a young age. In the last 2 years, I realized that certain nylons/lingerie really got me going. I also discovered that when my legs are tanned and smooth (I shaved my legs multiple times) I found my own legs attractive and a turn on. I even went so far as to purchase a fair amount of nylons to wear when masturbating. That was seemingly a passing fancy. I don't find other men's legs attractive at all, but I've become a bit obsessed with female legs. Now it gets a bit more interesting for any bi/curious/gay guys. In my early 20's I bought a dildo and started sucking on it while pleasuring myself. I would even set up a couple of mirrors so I could watch myself sucking a fake cock. I mostly abandoned this after getting married. I'll never forget coming home after a couple months of dating my future wife and she presented my "hidden" dildo and basically said, "What the fuck" to me and was both alarmed and a bit angry. I told her the truth. I'm not gay but for some reason I like to stuff it in my mouth when I'm pleasuring myself. She seemed to accept this as we went on to a 7 year marriage. I had always enjoyed eating pussy whenever possible and she was quite happy to suck my dick but would not allow me to come in her mouth. She had a very large vagina which I had never experienced before, but I wasn't too disappointed about it. She was well aware of her big pussy hole and claimed it was because her first husband had a very large dick and had stretched it out. I knew this was basically impossible, but it was her way of apologizing for a far less than snug fit. She was far from kinky in any way, but a bit open to at least discussing sex and also able to talk during sex. I had disposed of my dildo that she had discovered as a way to assure her I wasn't gay, but I saw a new opportunity. I don't recall if I discussed it with her beforehand, but I brought home a very large dildo one day. It was likely 10" long and very fat. I would put it in her pussy and still had room for my sightly larger than average cock when fucking her. She seemed to love that dildo. So did I. I would beat off and suck on It when she wasn't home. That was the end of my dildo story until almost 2 years ago. I bought a dildo just slightly smaller than my own cock. I sucked on it plenty. Pretty soon I started experimenting by putting it in my own ass. I don't seem to experience any pleasure putting it in my ass, it seems that it's exciting to me because it's so damn naughty. I decided that I needed a second dildo, one for my mouth and another for my ass. This time I bought a 9" model, extra thick. I discovered that after some practice I could deep throat my new, big dildo while I put the smaller one in my ass. Soon after, I was putting the big boy in my ass. Next, I got a toy that is a miniature man's body from the upper stomach to just below its hips. Complete with a 9" cock of average thickness, a ball sack, an ass and the hole that goes with one. I I am now fantasizing about a real, live cock to suck. I believe I will be very good at it and want to swallow that fucker. I hope to really get into it by starting with my hands, sucking a bit on the balls, pressing on the prostate area. I imagine starting slow and finishing like a banshee. I have no idea what will happen when he blows his wad in my mouth but I hope to swallow it. If things go well and I decide to do it again, I think I might like to try various positions. I love the idea of lying on my back, head on the edge of the bed, while he fucks my throat and his balls slap my face. This is only a fantasy and who knows, I may start and realize that I just can't do it. Why share so much on this? I wonder why I like sucking cock (albeit fake ones). Is it because of abuse as a boy? Is it an oral fixation of some sort? Would any of my sucking desires ever happened had I not been abused? Is it common to want to suck cock but not want any other physical contact? I mean are there others out there that are like this? How does one go about making it happen? I know what my physical wants are...clean cut, smooth, no hair, average build, not a gut like mine, etc.
Thanks for reading and please share any thoughts or advice. Thanks,