'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.

But there would be no sleep, not before dawn
The problem is due to this damn, raging hard-on.

I don't put much stock, in this thing called Santa
From too many xmas-es of needing Mylanta

But this year at wits end, I'm even distraught
Ok, probably, more like desperate, I thought.

I asked St Nick, to bring something special
It's more than 4 hours with this swollen vessel!

I don't know a hooker, I don't have a plan
All I know, is I asked for a man!

Be him tall, dark, or handsome, or even all three
No matter short, squat, or puggy, I'll be on my
knees

Giving it to him as he gave it to me!
So, Mr. Santa, please don't ignore my one plea

You're a red-blooded male you'll do just fine too!
I just adore a plump man in boots; I'm willing to woo

You'll be late for your rounds, but I'll make it alright
One thing for sure, it will be a good night!!