For years, I have heard the phrase “The Gay Lifestyle” tossed around. Usually, it is used in a condescending or derogatory fashion.

Here’s what I don’t get:

I am gay.

My partner, Ryan, is also gay.

He and I have been in a loving, monogamous relationship for over twenty years.

We live together in a modest, two bedroom home on three acres of partly wooded land in a rural community very near to where I grew up.

He and I are both English teachers for the same school district, though he works at the middle school and I am at the high school.

We don’t discuss sex, our relationship, or our sexuality in the classroom or with our students. We focus on language, literature, writing and learning—subjects which are appropriate to the setting.

With the exception of a few trusted individuals (and some administrators), most of our work colleagues are not aware of our relationship. We aren’t keeping it secr*t, it just isn’t their business.

Ryan and I “came out” to both of our families shortly after we knew that our relationship was going to be “the one”. My family was warm, welcoming and accepting; they love Ryan and have embraced him with open arms.

His family has mostly disowned him and they h@te my guts. This makes him sad, and me incredibly sad for him, but we deal with it.

Ryan and I do not frequent bars. We have a small circle of wonderful friends—of varied genders, ethnicities, and orientations—whom we cherish, and we much prefer socializing with them in their homes, or at ours, as often as possible.

My partner and I have no interest in fashion. Faded blue jeans, T-shirts and comfortable sneakers comprise our wardrobe of choice.

Our home is decorated to be comfortable, not stylish.

Neither of us has ever owned (or worn) a pair of assless chaps or a leather jockstrap.

I am a comic book geek. Ryan is a movie fanatic.

We are both voracious readers. My partner loves horror novels. I go nuts for swords and sorcery style fantasy fiction.

I collect blades, he collects film posters. Our favorite examples of each adorn the walls of our home.

In my spare time, I write as a hobby. The love of my life relaxes by doing wood-crafting. Much of the furniture in our home was crafted by Ryan in his workshop/shed.

We keep and tend a small vegetable garden in our backyard. I like asparagus, my guy prefers brussel sprouts. We agree, however, that tomatoes fresh out of the garden are magnificent.

He and I are not partiers. Family holiday, birthday, anniversary, and wedding celebrations—along with small gatherings of our close friends-- are the extent of our “wild” social life.

And backyard barbecues. We both like our steaks and burgers cooked to medium rare.

We don't do recreational drugs, but enjoy good beer in moderation. Ryan likes an occasional glass of wine. I'm allergic to the stuff.

Once a month, my man and I host a Dungeons and Dragons game night at our place for our five D&D enthusiast friends. I introduced Ryan to the game shortly after we met in college. We are both avid fans, and D&D night is always a blast.

On the subject of college, we met in an acting class and our friendship/romance blossomed while performing together in quite a number of campus theater productions. We share a deep love of the Theater, but don’t get to see as many shows as we would like.

On vacations, we love to go camping and hiking. The woods are relaxing and awe inspiring.

We share our home with a Jack Russell Terrier who is a much loved and valued member of our family. He is treated like a dog (though a spoiled one), however, and not as our “ch1ld”.

Ryan and I are the go-to babysitters for my nieces and nephews and for the kids of many of our friends. We love spending time with them and view the job as an honor and a privilege.

On occasion, we argue and disagree—like any other couple who share a dwelling and a life—but, for the vast majority of the time, Ryan and I are each other’s best friend and favorite companion. He is my rock, sounding board, and my biggest fan, and I fill the same roles for him. With great pleasure and the deepest affection.

We are equals in all ways, and make decisions through discussion and negotiation.

Ryan and I trust each other completely and support each other without question.

There is no “top” or “bottom” in our relationship. We have a lot of really great sex, and we just go where the mood takes us at any given time.

We work hard at our jobs, love spending time with our friends and family, and value our time with each other, our companionship and bond, above all things.

When the day is done, we share more than just a bed—-we share a LIFE and a deep, passionate and respectful LOVE.

So, I’m gay.

That’s my “lifestyle”.

What’s the big fucking deal?