Two days ago my best mate of 40 years died ,he dropped in front of me , I did everything I had learned in the army some 20 odd years ago ,i tried as hard as I could to bring him back ,it only took paramedics 11 minutes to reach me , but just like that two lifelong mates are no more , I've never felt such sadness before ,i just want to die ,will this misery I feel ever subside ,