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Tell Us A Joke

Discussion Forum on Show It Off

Page #4

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Started by #423718 [Ignore] 26,Feb,14 03:52
Tell Us A Joke, Make Us Laugh....

New Comment       Rating: 5  


Comments:
By #551482 12,Oct,20 09:23
Nurse: Sir, you really must stop masturbating

Me: Is it because I could go blind?

Nurse: No, it´s because I´m trying to examine you


By routemaster [Ignore] 12,Oct,20 02:16 other posts 
Did you hear about the cat that caught coronavirus?
Don't ask me 'ow.

* * * *

A fairground worker recently got the sack. He is suing his bosses for funfair dismissal.

* * * *


By bella! [Ignore] 07,Oct,20 11:20 other posts 
I went to the liquor store yesterday afternoon on my bicycle, bought a bottle of Scotch and put it in my bicycle basket.

As I was about to leave, I thought to myself that if I should fall off the bicycle, the bottle would break. So I decided to drink the bottle of Scotch before I cycled home.

It turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off my bicycle seven times on the way home!
By kebmo [Ignore] 11,Oct,20 00:20 other posts 
By bella! [Ignore] 11,Oct,20 06:38 other posts 
I hope that you realize this is just a joke. Anyone that knows me, knows that I do not like Scotch. I am more of a beer and wine kinda girl!
By kebmo [Ignore] 12,Oct,20 01:55 other posts 
I don't ever drink but I had to post this on Facebook preceded by the words: Just a joke...
By bella! [Ignore] 12,Oct,20 02:15 other posts 
I liked the joke and I'm glad you enjoyed it, too.


By Mrfrisky [Ignore] 11,Oct,20 18:20 other posts 
Three elderly ladies were sitting on a park bench. Suddenly a guy jumped out of the bushes and flashed them. Two of the ladies had a stroke, the third couldn't reach....
By #485312 11,Oct,20 19:13
I wonder what score they gave him *lix*


By Mrfrisky [Ignore] 11,Oct,20 18:18 other posts 
I bought my sneakers off a drug dealer. I don't know what they are laced with, but I've been tripping all day.


By #485312 09,Oct,20 16:53
A man sees a sign outside a house:
'Talking Dog For Sale'....He rings the bell, the owner appears and tells him the dog can be viewed in the back garden.
The man sees a very nice looking Black Labrador Retriever sitting there.
"Do you really talk"...? He asks the dog.
"Yes!" The Labrador replies.
After recovering from the shock of hearing the dog talk, he man asks, "So, tell me your story"...?
The Labrador looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I joined the SAS.
"In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one imagined that a dog would be eavesdropping.
I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years, But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at Heathrow to do some undercover security work, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded several medals. I got married, had a few puppies, and now I've just retired"...!
The man is amazed. He goes back into the house and asks the owner how much he wants for the dog.
"Ten quid!" The owner says.
"£10? But this dog is absolutely amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheaply"...?
"Because he's a lying cunt. He's never been out of the garden"..
By #23212 09,Oct,20 21:10
The best I’ve seen here!
By newwt10 [Ignore] 10,Oct,20 23:07 other posts 


By HotFuckerBoy [Ignore] 08,Oct,20 20:13 other posts 
In the restroom at the restaurant we were at last night there was a sign on the wall that said "Employees must was hands" After waiting 15 damn minutes I got fed up and washed em myself.
By leopoldij [Ignore] 08,Oct,20 20:14 other posts 
Good one
By tb1 [Ignore] 09,Oct,20 02:19 other posts 
By #551147 09,Oct,20 02:51
Lol

🇺🇲 Vote 4 The 1st Amendment - TRUMP 2020 🇺🇸


By tecsan [Ignore] 29,Sep,20 00:26 other posts 
Harris/Biden!!!
By #551147 29,Sep,20 01:29
BRAVO!!

Biggest fucking joke since BLM!

🇺🇸 Back The Blue 🇺🇸
By dgraff [Ignore] 30,Sep,20 23:01 other posts 
My truck load of black tires matter sale went over well
By #551147 01,Oct,20 01:19
That's awesome! Good job Bro!

🇺🇸 Preserve The 2nd Amendment - TRUMP 2020 🇺🇸
By leopoldij [Ignore] 29,Sep,20 21:07 other posts 
Biden/Harris!
By tecsan [Ignore] 30,Sep,20 22:41 other posts 
Face it...Harris/Biden... ༼☯﹏☯༽
By leopoldij [Ignore] 30,Sep,20 23:29 other posts 
I couldn't care less...
By tecsan [Ignore] 01,Oct,20 00:34 other posts 
Guess what...You and I agree...Because I could care less also...༼☯﹏☯༽
By #551147 01,Oct,20 01:14
Me either!

Cause Harris/Biden OR Biden/Harris neither are worth a fiddly fuck.

🇺🇲 Vote 4 Life - TRUMP 2020 🇺🇸
By leopoldij [Ignore] 08,Oct,20 20:16 other posts 


By #551482 07,Oct,20 18:30
Interview with a pirate

Interviewer: Sir, you seem to have a wooden leg

Cap´n Beard: Aaar, that would be from exchange of cannon fire on the Spanish Main

Interviewer: Sir, you also seem to have a hook for a hand

Cap´n Beard: Yahaar me hearties, that were swordfighting where i lost me hand fighting for treasure

Interviewer: Sir, you wear an eyepatch

Cap´n Beard: Yaar, a seagull!

Interviewer: Ehh???

Cap´n Beard: Aye, flew over me head and shat. So I scratched me eye.....
By #188992 07,Oct,20 18:32
Why are pirates called pirates?

They just arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!


By #551482 07,Oct,20 10:52
Why can´t your nose be 12 inches long?

Because then it would be a foot!
By bella! [Ignore] 07,Oct,20 11:04 other posts 
Oh, bigg! That is so corny!


By leopoldij [Ignore] 30,Sep,20 23:31 other posts 
Q: What's the difference between pussy and parsley?

A: Not everyone eats parsley.
By tecsan [Ignore] 01,Oct,20 02:17 other posts 
Yes I love parsley and pussy, so why should I be ridiculed for that or even further why should I be called ridiculous names for it...Now answer that...༼☯﹏☯༽
By leopoldij [Ignore] 06,Oct,20 23:12 other posts 
I didn't even speak to you dude.
By tecsan [Ignore] 07,Oct,20 03:52 other posts 
Sorry, but you did in a private message a while back...But hey I do not care...The above is just my 'Opinion'...Lighten up...Think you got the wrong idea...༼☯﹏☯༽
By #551147 07,Oct,20 04:02
Don't pay that fucking idiot any attention. You're a faaaar better man than he could dream of. Think I'm wrong?

Read this ➡️ /forum/thread.php?id=22645#23

🇺🇲 FREE Kyle Rittenhouse 🇺🇸
By leopoldij [Ignore] 07,Oct,20 10:02 other posts 
Indeed. Free Kyle. 🇺🇸 Keep freedom and make America great forever 🇺🇸
By leopoldij [Ignore] 07,Oct,20 10:00 other posts 
I forgot about any message. No worries.


By Dev01 [Ignore] 06,Oct,20 04:11 other posts 
There is a couple and she likes watching cooking shows, He said why do you always watch those shows... you ain't even a good cook. She replies.. why do you always watch porn?
By #584899 06,Oct,20 18:09
classic!!
By #551147 06,Oct,20 23:26
OH SNAP! Certainly that wasn't you and the better half.

Must have been the neighbors...

Love it!


By leopoldij [Ignore] 29,Sep,20 21:07 other posts 
I was walking down the street with an ex one night. We turned a corner and a little further down the road, we saw a group of men attacking her mother.

We stood staring for a couple of seconds, before my ex asked ''Aren't you going to help''?

''No'', I replied, ''It looks like they're managing ok''.


By leopoldij [Ignore] 28,Sep,20 20:29 other posts 
A man walks into a butcher's shop, orders some bacon then says "Where's your assistant?"
The butcher replies "I sacked him"
The man says "Sacked him, why?"
The butcher replies "He kept sticking his dick in the bacon slicer!"
The man, shocked, says "So wheres your bacon slicer??"
The butcher says "I fuckin' sacked her as well!!"


By leopoldij [Ignore] 21,Sep,20 20:11 other posts 
A sexually active woman tells her plastic surgeon that she wanted her vaginal lips reduced in size because they were too loose and floppy. Out of embarrassment she insisted that the surgery be kept confidential and the surgeon agreed.

Awakening from the anesthesia after the surgery she found three roses carefully placed beside her on the bed. Outraged, she immediately calls in the doctor. "I thought I asked you not to tell anyone about my operation!"

The surgeon told her he had carried out her wish for confidentiality and that the first rose was from him. "I felt sad because you went through this all by yourself."

"The second rose is from my nurse. She assisted me in the surgery and empathized because she had had the same procedure done some time ago."

"And what about the third rose?" she asked.

"That's from a man upstairs in the burn unit. He wanted to thank you for his new ears."


By #586476 09,Mar,20 14:49
you take your dog and your wife lock em both In the trunk of your car then come back in 3 hours and see who is wagging their tail happy to see you....

LMAO


By leopoldij [Ignore] 27,Jan,20 17:54 other posts 
What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

A zit will wait until you’re twelve before it comes on your face.


By Smoothie71 [Ignore] 10,May,18 11:37 other posts 
I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said ‘Are you going to help?' I said ‘No, six should be enough.'


By #502711 10,May,18 08:32
How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her? She found another woman's lipstick on his knuckles.


By routemaster [Ignore] 10,May,18 01:27 other posts 
The problem with origami is two fold

* * * *

I've got an interview with a mirror factory today. I can just see myself working there.

* * * *


By leopoldij [Ignore] 27,Apr,18 11:21 other posts 
First person: Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. Do you know what it is?

Second person: I've no clue...

First person: They should both be changed regularly… and for the same reason.

________________

Q: What do you call a lawyer who has gone bad?

A: Senator.

_________________

Q: Whats the difference between a politician and a snail?

A: One is slimy, a pest, and leaves a trail everywhere and pretends to be doing something good for you; the other is a snail.

_________________

Q: What's the difference between 9/11 and a cow?

A: You can't milk a cow for over 10 years.


_________________

Q: Why is Trump is a bad subject for comedy?

A: He’s shallow and played out, and already what people expect from the comedy about him is bad.


By leopoldij [Ignore] 27,Apr,18 11:20 other posts 
Have you ever watched True Detective series? There was an episode, when the policemen were sitting at an office, and one of them asks another one:

FIRST GUY: Do you know how to call a black guy riding a plane?
SECOND GUY: ... [thinks] ... [thinks] ... [thinks] ... ????
FIRST GUY: A pilot, you racist!


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