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Tell Us A Joke

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Page #10

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Started by #423718 [Ignore] 26,Feb,14 03:52
Tell Us A Joke, Make Us Laugh....

New Comment       Rating: 5  


Comments:
By Sickboy [Ignore] 05,Oct,14 18:59 other posts 
Q: What do you call a very rude bird?
A: A mockingbird!


By Sickboy [Ignore] 05,Oct,14 18:55 other posts 
Q: What's the difference between a bitch and a whore?
A: A whore sleeps with everybody at the party, and a bitch sleeps with everybody at the party except you.


By spermkiss [Ignore] 04,Oct,14 12:26 other posts 
My wife is such a lousy housekeeper that every time I want to piss in the sink it's full of dirty dishes.
By tb1 [Ignore] 04,Oct,14 23:24 other posts 
By #23212 05,Oct,14 00:23
Maybe you could help him?


By routemaster [Ignore] 04,Oct,14 11:03 other posts 
Q: What's the difference between a prostitute and the Eiffel Tower?


A: Not every kerb crawler has been up the Eiffel Tower


Q: What's the difference between a prostitute's legs and the Windmill Theatre?


A: Nothing, because they're both never closed


* * * *


By #359325 04,Oct,14 10:22
Q: What's the difference between pussy and parsley?

A: Not everyone eats parsley.


By #454258 02,Oct,14 23:58
If you think sex is a pain in the ass...you're doing it wrong. Flip over
By #359325 04,Oct,14 10:17
LOL


By routemaster [Ignore] 30,Sep,14 01:54 other posts 
If a bull swallowed a bomb, would it be abominable?
By #454258 30,Sep,14 23:56
HA!!!
By #354861 01,Oct,14 00:01
Another good one!
By routemaster [Ignore] 01,Oct,14 02:29 other posts 


By #454258 30,Sep,14 23:56
Ron: One time me and my buddy walked into a bar and he says


Friend: Man, the place would be better, if there wernt so many queers.


Ron: Okay, next time you have a thought, just let it go. And listen to me, when I say this. We're ALL gay. It's to what exent are you gay.


Friend: Thats bullshit, im not gay at all.


Ron: Yeah you are, and i can prove it.


Friend: Fine, prove it.


Ron: Okay, do you like porn?


Friend: Yeah I love porn you know that.


Ron: Okay, do you only watch the scenes with two women together?


Friend: No, I'll watch a man and a woman makin' love.


Ron: Okay, do you prefer the guy to have a small, half-flaccid penis?

Friend: No, I like big hard throbbin' COCKS................I did not know that about myself.


By #459351 04,Aug,14 21:59
What does a blonde do with her asshole in the morning?

Pack his lunch and send him to work....
By #354861 05,Aug,14 14:44
Very clever.
By #459351 05,Aug,14 22:12
By routemaster [Ignore] 30,Sep,14 03:15 other posts 
I shouldn't like that one - but I do!!!!


By routemaster [Ignore] 30,Sep,14 03:12 other posts 
Thieves broke into Scotland Yard last night and stole all the toilets. Police say at the moment they've nothing to go on.


By #444014 29,Sep,14 19:59
A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both startled and he says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 1221."
By #472683 29,Sep,14 23:21
By routemaster [Ignore] 30,Sep,14 01:55 other posts 
Hee hee! Very good


By #64328 28,Sep,14 12:33
Scientific research has proven that 50% of gay and bisexual men have been so since birth......the other 50% were sucked into it.


By JeffinKS [Ignore] 25,Sep,14 20:51 other posts 
did you hear that Ruger is making a new pistol? yea... it will be called the congressman in honor of the house of representatives and the Senate. it doesnt work and you can't fire it.....


By #359325 25,Sep,14 12:51
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony
wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.


By routemaster [Ignore] 11,Aug,14 17:07 other posts 
After a restaurant had closed for the night, a thief broke in and stole all the salt, pepper and vinegar. Police say they are looking for a seasoned criminal

* * * *
By big9inch21 [Ignore] 11,Aug,14 17:52 other posts 


By #68656 05,Aug,14 06:27
These were posted on an Australian tourism website, and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humor (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for cretins!)
________________________________________________


Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown, and then just sit around watching them die.
__________________________________________________
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
__________________________________________________
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles. Take lots of water.
__________________________________________________
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? ( UK )
A: What did your last slave die of?
__________________________________________________
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? ( USA)
A: Af-ri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .......
Aust-ra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not ...
Oh, forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
__________________________________________________

Q: Which direction is North in Australia ? ( USA)
A: Face south, and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
_________________________________________________

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
__________________________________________________
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is ...
Oh, forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
__________________________________________________
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?
__________________________________________________
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is ****.
__________________________________________________
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-mer-ica, which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled, and make good pets.
__________________________________________________
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
__________________________________________________
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA )
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
__________________________________________________

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? ( France)
A: Only at Christmas.
__________________________________________________

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
By andrew999999999 [Ignore] 05,Aug,14 16:20 other posts 
I'm ashamed, but not surprised, to see some of my countrymen in that list. I'm hoping they're maybe Scottish, Welsh, or from Northern Ireland, and not England.


By palunko [Ignore] 05,Aug,14 09:13 other posts 
Old woman come to the doctor with a knife stabbed in her knee. The doctor ask her what happened? She answers: " I tried to kill myself and people said that best and most secure thing to do is to stab the knife two fingers below tits"

P.s. English is not my native language so hope you will understand...


By #444014 04,Aug,14 21:06
What do call a lesbian with long fat fingers ?

Well hung.....

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur ?

Ilickalotofpuss......
By #316057 05,Aug,14 04:23


By routemaster [Ignore] 05,Aug,14 02:46 other posts 
Girl runs home from school and says: "mummy, I've been doing cartwheels in the playground today in front of all the boys. They say I'm ever so good at it."
"Oh you silly girl," replies her mother, "don't you realise all those boys want to see are your knickers?"
"Of course, mummy," the girl replies, "I ain't stupid. That's why I took them off and put them in my bag."

* * * * *


By #232212 11,Jul,14 10:52
I walked into a pet shop and asked the clerk that I would like to buy a wasp, she said we do not sell wasps then I said but you have one inside the window though
By Ravioli_Max [Ignore] 31,Jul,14 09:02 other posts 
Good one!


By #467284 16,Jul,14 22:48
A seriously depressed woman stands at the edge of a cliff, trying to get the nerve up to jump.

A passing guy stops and says, "Since you're about to kill yourself anyway, would you mind if we had sex first?"

The woman said "Hell no... get away from me... you’re a sicko!"

The guy turned to leave and muttered

"Fine, I'll just go wait at the bottom."
By Ravioli_Max [Ignore] 31,Jul,14 08:50 other posts 
LOL LOL LOL!


By bella! [Ignore] 30,Jul,14 16:49 other posts 
Question:

What happened when the two antennas got married?

Answer:

The ceremony wasn't much but the reception was great!


By andrew999999999 [Ignore] 16,Jul,14 16:42 other posts 
I was walking down the street with an ex one night. We turned a corner and a little further down the road, we saw a group of men attacking her mother.

We stood staring for a couple of seconds, before my ex asked ''Aren't you going to help''?

''No'', I replied, ''It looks like they're managing ok''.


By #466936 16,Jul,14 12:45
A man goes to the doctor:
"I want a castration"
"Are you sure?"
"Yes"
"Did you talk with your wife about that?"
"Yes, she send me here! Always going 'now go to the doctor and get your castration finally!'"

After the castration he comes home.
Wife: "Did you get your vaccination?"
"Vaccination! That was the word!!"


By routemaster [Ignore] 13,Jul,14 15:33 other posts 
George Michael was out cruising the woods one night. As he dropped his trousers and bent over the fallen down branch of a tree, an absent-minded bar of chocolate found its way into his arsehole. It was a careless Whispa


By iowaguy [Ignore] 13,Jul,14 12:16 other posts 
Q. What food is scientifically proven to kill a woman's sex drive?

A. Wedding cake



By DJS [Ignore] 13,Jul,14 01:01 other posts 
My mate reckons he always cries after sex. Mind you.... He is in Prison.


I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money.

Last night I shagged a hooker called Penny – spooky or what


By DJS [Ignore] 13,Jul,14 00:56 other posts 
Nearly shagged a Ladyboy last night.
Picked her up in a night club. sHe Looked like a woman. Smelled like a woman. Danced like a woman.
Even kissed like a woman.
But as we arrived back at her apartment, she reversed her car into a tight parking slot in one fluid movement.
That's when I thought. “Hang about”


By #378916 10,Jul,14 15:05
Here's a dumb one, but try to forget it: did you hear about the psychic midget who escaped from prison? He's a small medium at large.


By andrew999999999 [Ignore] 08,Jul,14 20:30 other posts 
I remember the first time I swore in front of my Dad. I was having sex with my girlfriend in my room, when my Dad came in.

''Get out,'' I said, ''I'm fucking my girlfriend''.


By andrew999999999 [Ignore] 08,Jul,14 20:27 other posts 
I walked into a bar the other night. Banged my head.


By routemaster [Ignore] 04,Jul,14 23:16 other posts 
Did you hear there's to be a hetero operatic porn film with music by Mozart?

Its going to be called Tutte's Cozy Fanny

* * * *


By routemaster [Ignore] 02,Jul,14 17:55 other posts 
Adoring fans were shocked today by a report that squeaky clean Cliff Richard had been found slumped in a chair surrounded by drugs and pills.

He'd fallen asleep in the chemist shop.

* * * *


By #459161 01,Jul,14 18:35
These two old lady died and went to heaven when they got there there ran into each other the first one says how did you die and she says i froze to death the other lady said thats awful and then she said not really you get a warm feeling then you go to ****.
The first lady asked how you die she said i came home home sure of my husband cheating on me and just knew he had another woman in the house so i ran upstairs looking in all the closets and under the beds then i ran down stairs looking in the basement by time i got back up stairs i was exhausted and kild over dead of a massive heart attack.
the first woman said if you would have looked in the fridgerator we both would still be alive.
By DJS [Ignore] 02,Jul,14 09:49 other posts 
Good one bigtim


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