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Tell Us A Joke

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Started by #423718 [Ignore] at 26,Feb,14 03:52
Tell Us A Joke, Make Us Laugh....

New Comment       Rating: 5  

By bigg [Ignore] at 17,Oct,20 14:57 other posts 
Three old guys sitting on a bench discussing the world

First guy: Itīs terrible. When I gotta pee, I squeeze and squeeze for ages but it only dribbles out slowly.

Second guy: You think you got problems? When I shit, I sit on the pot for hours and push for ages before anything happens

Third guy: At 6 o clock I piss like a horse and at 7 o clock I shit like a mule.

Other guys: Wow, lucky you! So whatīs the problem?

Third guy: I only wake up at 8 o clock

By leopoldij [Ignore] at 17,Oct,20 01:02 other posts 
A man walks into a bar. As he sits down, he looks up and notices three pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. He asks the bartender “what’s with the meat?”

The bartender says, “If you can jump up and slap all three pieces at once, you get free drinks for an hour. If you miss even one, you have to pay for everyone else’s drinks for the rest of the night. Wanna give it a go?”

The man takes another look at the meat, then says, “I think I’ll pass. The steaks are too high.”

By newwt10 [Ignore] at 14,Oct,20 22:54 other posts 
Ahh this is a dick.... Tada!

By DJS [Ignore] at 06,Oct,20 03:32 other posts 
Coming out of the supermarket the other day, a woman was crying her eyes out saying she'd lost all her holiday money. Felt sorry for her so I gave her 50 quid.

I wouldn't normally do that sort of thing, but I'd just found two grand in the car park.
By bigg [Ignore] at 07,Oct,20 18:22 other posts 
By phart [Ignore] at 07,Oct,20 20:19 other posts 
By Oddmanout [Ignore] at 09,Oct,20 17:55 other posts 
By tb1 [Ignore] at 11,Oct,20 06:42 other posts 
that was nice of you to doodatt
By DJS [Ignore] at 11,Oct,20 08:17 other posts 
I would doodatt every day
By tb1 [Ignore] at 11,Oct,20 09:33 other posts 
By DJS [Ignore] at 14,Oct,20 09:36 other posts 

By Strongmember# [Ignore] at 13,Oct,20 11:30 other posts 
Why do all alter boys have that hairstyle with the straight part down the middle?

Because the priest likes to stroke the hair that way..

No offense intended. I was raised Catholic.

By XxXKing808XxX [Ignore] at 13,Oct,20 11:25 other posts 
What did the blond man say to the other blind man?......long time no see? lol

By bigg [Ignore] at 13,Oct,20 11:21 other posts 
Why did the hippy not believe in the Mississippi

Because hippies donīt marry

By bigg [Ignore] at 12,Oct,20 09:23 other posts 
Nurse: Sir, you really must stop masturbating

Me: Is it because I could go blind?

Nurse: No, itīs because Iīm trying to examine you

By routemaster [Ignore] at 12,Oct,20 02:16 other posts 
Did you hear about the cat that caught coronavirus?
Don't ask me 'ow.

* * * *

A fairground worker recently got the sack. He is suing his bosses for funfair dismissal.

* * * *

By bella! [Ignore] at 07,Oct,20 11:20 other posts 
I went to the liquor store yesterday afternoon on my bicycle, bought a bottle of Scotch and put it in my bicycle basket.

As I was about to leave, I thought to myself that if I should fall off the bicycle, the bottle would break. So I decided to drink the bottle of Scotch before I cycled home.

It turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off my bicycle seven times on the way home!
By kebmo [Ignore] at 11,Oct,20 00:20 other posts 
By bella! [Ignore] at 11,Oct,20 06:38 other posts 
I hope that you realize this is just a joke. Anyone that knows me, knows that I do not like Scotch. I am more of a beer and wine kinda girl!
By kebmo [Ignore] at 12,Oct,20 01:55 other posts 
I don't ever drink but I had to post this on Facebook preceded by the words: Just a joke...
By bella! [Ignore] at 12,Oct,20 02:15 other posts 
I liked the joke and I'm glad you enjoyed it, too.

By routemaster [Ignore] at 12,Oct,20 02:15 other posts 
Boris Johnson

By Mrfrisky [Ignore] at 11,Oct,20 18:20 other posts 
Three elderly ladies were sitting on a park bench. Suddenly a guy jumped out of the bushes and flashed them. Two of the ladies had a stroke, the third couldn't reach....
By licksipsuckit [Ignore] at 11,Oct,20 19:13 other posts 
I wonder what score they gave him *lix*

By Mrfrisky [Ignore] at 11,Oct,20 18:18 other posts 
I bought my sneakers off a drug dealer. I don't know what they are laced with, but I've been tripping all day.

By licksipsuckit [Ignore] at 09,Oct,20 16:53 other posts 
A man sees a sign outside a house:
'Talking Dog For Sale'....He rings the bell, the owner appears and tells him the dog can be viewed in the back garden.
The man sees a very nice looking Black Labrador Retriever sitting there.
"Do you really talk"...? He asks the dog.
"Yes!" The Labrador replies.
After recovering from the shock of hearing the dog talk, he man asks, "So, tell me your story"...?
The Labrador looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I joined the SAS.
"In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one imagined that a dog would be eavesdropping.
I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years, But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at Heathrow to do some undercover security work, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded several medals. I got married, had a few puppies, and now I've just retired"...!
The man is amazed. He goes back into the house and asks the owner how much he wants for the dog.
"Ten quid!" The owner says.
"Ģ10? But this dog is absolutely amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheaply"...?
"Because he's a lying cunt. He's never been out of the garden"..
By sinanff47 [Ignore] at 09,Oct,20 21:10 other posts 
The best I’ve seen here!
By newwt10 [Ignore] at 10,Oct,20 23:07 other posts 

By wycowboy [Ignore] at 10,Oct,20 09:43 other posts 
Joe Biden

By HotFuckerBoy [Ignore] at 08,Oct,20 20:13 other posts 
In the restroom at the restaurant we were at last night there was a sign on the wall that said "Employees must was hands" After waiting 15 damn minutes I got fed up and washed em myself.
By leopoldij [Ignore] at 08,Oct,20 20:14 other posts 
Good one
By tb1 [Ignore] at 09,Oct,20 02:19 other posts 
By Scorps [Ignore] at 09,Oct,20 02:51 other posts 

🇺🇲 Vote 4 The 1st Amendment - TRUMP 2020 🇺🇸

By tecsan [Ignore] at 29,Sep,20 00:26 other posts 
By Scorps [Ignore] at 29,Sep,20 01:29 other posts 

Biggest fucking joke since BLM!

🇺🇸 Back The Blue 🇺🇸
By dgraff [Ignore] at 30,Sep,20 23:01 other posts 
My truck load of black tires matter sale went over well
By Scorps [Ignore] at 01,Oct,20 01:19 other posts 
That's awesome! Good job Bro!

🇺🇸 Preserve The 2nd Amendment - TRUMP 2020 🇺🇸
By leopoldij [Ignore] at 29,Sep,20 21:07 other posts 
By tecsan [Ignore] at 30,Sep,20 22:41 other posts 
Face it...Harris/Biden... ༼☯﹏☯༽
By leopoldij [Ignore] at 30,Sep,20 23:29 other posts 
I couldn't care less...
By tecsan [Ignore] at 01,Oct,20 00:34 other posts 
Guess what...You and I agree...Because I could care less also...༼☯﹏☯༽
By Scorps [Ignore] at 01,Oct,20 01:14 other posts 
Me either!

Cause Harris/Biden OR Biden/Harris neither are worth a fiddly fuck.

🇺🇲 Vote 4 Life - TRUMP 2020 🇺🇸
By leopoldij [Ignore] at 08,Oct,20 20:16 other posts 

By bigg [Ignore] at 07,Oct,20 18:30 other posts 
Interview with a pirate

Interviewer: Sir, you seem to have a wooden leg

Capīn Beard: Aaar, that would be from exchange of cannon fire on the Spanish Main

Interviewer: Sir, you also seem to have a hook for a hand

Capīn Beard: Yahaar me hearties, that were swordfighting where i lost me hand fighting for treasure

Interviewer: Sir, you wear an eyepatch

Capīn Beard: Yaar, a seagull!

Interviewer: Ehh???

Capīn Beard: Aye, flew over me head and shat. So I scratched me eye.....
By #188992 at 07,Oct,20 18:32
Why are pirates called pirates?

They just arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

By bigg [Ignore] at 07,Oct,20 10:52 other posts 
Why canīt your nose be 12 inches long?

Because then it would be a foot!
By bella! [Ignore] at 07,Oct,20 11:04 other posts 
Oh, bigg! That is so corny!

By leopoldij [Ignore] at 30,Sep,20 23:31 other posts 
Q: What's the difference between pussy and parsley?

A: Not everyone eats parsley.
By tecsan [Ignore] at 01,Oct,20 02:17 other posts 
Yes I love parsley and pussy, so why should I be ridiculed for that or even further why should I be called ridiculous names for it...Now answer that...༼☯﹏☯༽
By leopoldij [Ignore] at 06,Oct,20 23:12 other posts 
I didn't even speak to you dude.
By tecsan [Ignore] at 07,Oct,20 03:52 other posts 
Sorry, but you did in a private message a while back...But hey I do not care...The above is just my 'Opinion'...Lighten up...Think you got the wrong idea...༼☯﹏☯༽
By Scorps [Ignore] at 07,Oct,20 04:02 other posts 
Don't pay that fucking idiot any attention. You're a faaaar better man than he could dream of. Think I'm wrong?

Read this ➡️ /forum/thread.php?id=22645#23

🇺🇲 FREE Kyle Rittenhouse 🇺🇸
By leopoldij [Ignore] at 07,Oct,20 10:02 other posts 
Indeed. Free Kyle. 🇺🇸 Keep freedom and make America great forever 🇺🇸
By leopoldij [Ignore] at 07,Oct,20 10:00 other posts 
I forgot about any message. No worries.

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